This is the 4th installment in our series on straight dads talking about their gay sons. Today’s entry is from PFLAG National Vice President Mike Neubecker. Here is Mike’s response to the recent Details Magazine article on fathers and sons. You can also join the conversation about this week’s series over at The Republic of T.
Its hard for me to stop talking about how proud I am of my gay son and his accomplishments and what he offers the world, once I get started. I might have done a little more than flinch when my son came out but I soon found my way to embrace my gay son in every way. One of my favorite songs as he was growing up was the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song, “Teach Your Children Well” and later the verse goes, “Teach Your Parents Well.” That song really fit our family because we taught our son so much about the world and taught him our values. When he came out as gay, my wife and I learned so much more about the world that we never would have if he hadn’t been gay.
He is a successful business owner and now a husband and father of a son and daughter. Its comforting to know that his children will have an easier time being open about their early childhood crushes even if it is toward a kid who is the opposite gender.
Somehow I was misguided and believed that my dedicated skill at parenting would be rewarded with a child ‘product’ that would be the high school jock and dating the prom queen. I learned that rather than metaphorically shaping your child as you would a hunk of clay, the better metaphor is more like nurturing a plant long before it shows its flower with all the nutrients and care they need to grow. I was selfish to expect that my child to be a certain way to please me and gain my embrace. Appreciating your child with all their talents, qualities and goals is what a good parent does while instilling so many values such as commitment, care and respect for others.
While raising my son I don’t confess to being a liberal parent, not that there is anything wrong with it, but the love I have for my son truly opened my mind. If some liberal open minded fathers still shriek at the idea of having a gay son, then it may be due to the dominant culture we live in that they haven’t learned to challenge. I challenge them to open their minds a bit further and challenge the attitudes of our culture that value the straight macho male, while using gay people as joke punch lines. If they need some skills to do this they can visit www.straightforequality.org and begin to learn those skills. And if one day their son comes out as gay, they will be way ahead of the rest in embracing them completely.
PFLAG Blog
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